Today’s post is a continuation of a story I told yesterday. If you didn’t read that first, it might help:
A few weeks ago I signed up for a small group bible study, and survived the first day. There were some awkward introductions, for sure. Then the second week, I forgot to go.
I wasn’t off to a great start, I will admit that.
Early this week I get a phone call from one of the leaders. She is very nice and says that she has missed me and hopes that I return to class this week. I state that I intend to. Then she says she saw a movie last weekend and it made her think of me. She says it is a Christian movie, and it’s called “War Room.”
She says it’s about a couple who is really struggling in their marriage and ultimately save their marriage through prayer. Even though the woman is justified in leaving her husband she chooses to work through the hard stuff.
Uh oh. I have a really bad feeling about this.
Then she says the couple in the movie turn to agape love to stay together, instead of the kind of love that the world relies on. She says that she feels like it is a powerful message for couples who are struggling, or are separated.
I really wish that was my story. I hoped and prayed, begged and bargained. It was not to be. I clarify things for her, in case my tearful outburst on introduction day wasn’t clear. “Well, I am divorced.”
Yes, I drop the D-word. She is undeterred. She tells me that God can redeem anything, and I know what she is referring to.
“I’m really sorry. I think that God can and will heal me and my children. I am certain my marriage is (and should be) dead as a door nail.”
She doesn’t say much for a moment.
Then she emphasizes that she doesn’t know my story, but is my husband remarried? Because if he isn’t then there is still hope. Through prayer and faithful commitment, it is possible. She tells me to remember that my (EX)husband is not the enemy.
I thank her for thinking of me and get off the phone as quickly as possible.
I stand in my kitchen stunned. Then I do what any of us would do. I cry.
Why didn’t I stand up for myself?
Does she think I didn’t try to save my marriage?
Should I have justified my circumstances?
Is this what it means to go back to church?
Do I go back?
I do think she “meant well.”