It is hard to write when your heart isn’t in it. I wanted to type a tale about the fun and joyful weekend I had, but it would not be true. I tried to think of something redemptive to write about, and nothing came to me. I searched my rough drafts and idea sheets for a topic, bleh. Perhaps something funny or light-hearted? Still nothing. Instead, I offer the truth.
I am disappointed that I didn’t write yesterday. Now I am a day behind.
I am disappointed that my kids were sick this weekend and we had to miss out on some fun plans.
I am disappointed that I wasn’t more patient and loving while we stayed home ALL day long.
I’m even disappointed that I got distracted while barbecuing and our breakfast went up in flames. (yes I BBQ my breakfast sausages. I’m from California. That’s how we cook meat.)
And of course, I am tired. I am tired of doing dishes, picking up rooms, sweeping crumbs, throwing out papers and wiping up toothpaste. I am also tired of custody arrangements, packing and un-packing bags, and having heartbreaking conversations with my precious kids.
I know these are all first-world problems. I know it will all work out. I know I am actually really lucky.
Tomorrow I will get up and keep going, just like all other days. Tomorrow I will apply for another job, meet with another friend, and enjoy the fall day.
Tomorrow is full of hope and new opportunities.
Today is done. I’m glad. I think that is ok.