This has been a big week.
The weather here made a huge shift toward fall. I got out the rain jackets, puffy vests and sweat pants. Soup was the dinner of choice for the first time in many months.
The days are getting shorter, and the leaves are beginning to cover the grass and streets. I am so ready for the change.
This week a couple of opportunities have shown up for me. They are like a door cracking open just enough that I can see light peeking through. What I see inside looks hopeful, which means I’m scared.
Scared of being hopeful, but still hopeful.
Scared of being disappointed, but still excited.
Scared of not getting what I have wanted, but still asking for it anyways.
Scared of taking a break from worrying, but still considering it. 😉
So I wait.
I wait impatiently and anxiously and irritably. I wait imperfectly. I say, “it will all work out,” and then I spend my day pacing and drumming my proverbial hands on the counter while I try to make it work out. I try to do better. I try to distract my self but it doesn’t work. I try to protect myself, and we all know how that goes.
Waiting seems to be a familiar posture for me. I have spent a lot of time waiting. You would think I have learned my lesson by now. I remember thinking about a year ago that I was completely good on the “patience, waiting, out of control” lessons. Pass me to the next grade. I totally got it.
Apparently I hadn’t.
So let’s wait and see, shall we?
I will tell you more when I know more.
In the meantime, what are you waiting for?