Where I have been and where I am going

I have been working.

I have been parenting.

I have been hanging up lights and taking down lights.

I have been eating.

I have been Netflixing, shopping, and decorating.

I have been decluttering (a lot), and cleaning (a little).

I have been relaxing, celebrating and staying up too late.

I have also been reflecting, thinking, and dreaming…about where I have I been, and where I am going.

One of those directions is clear.  The other is not.

I am lucky that 2 days a month I get a day off.  No kids, no work, no real schedule, nothing that I “have” to do.  It is quiet, and I miss my little people, but it is good for me.

Today was that day, and I spent it in live conversation. I sat across from people who have walked alongside me, cheered for me, supported me, laughed with me, and dreamed with me.  They challenge me, and encourage me.  They tell me hard things that can be hard to hear. They remind me of who I am. I’m grateful to have them. I hope they are grateful to have me.

Today we caught up with each other, and discussed the future.  With a new year comes new expectations, resolutions, and hopes. I don’t make resolutions but I do think about what the future holds. Will this be the year that I am: better, skinnier, more organized, better at laundry, richer, healthier, happier, more patient, well rested, well-traveled?  Probably not, but you never know!

I don’t know what this year will bring, but I am looking forward. Yes, I am intentionally looking in the forward direction.

And, I am looking forward to it.

2016, full speed ahead.  That’s where I’m going.

Happy New Year!

 

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Day 17 – Not As Planned

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It is hard to write when your heart isn’t in it. I wanted to type a tale about the fun and joyful weekend I had, but it would not be true. I tried to think of something redemptive to write about, and nothing came to me.  I searched my rough drafts and idea sheets for a topic, bleh. Perhaps something funny or light-hearted? Still nothing. Instead, I offer the truth.

I am disappointed that I didn’t write yesterday. Now I am a day behind.

I am disappointed that my kids were sick this weekend and we had to miss out on some fun plans.

I am disappointed that I wasn’t more patient and loving while we stayed home ALL day long.

I’m even disappointed that I got distracted while barbecuing and our breakfast went up in flames. (yes I BBQ my breakfast sausages. I’m from California.  That’s how we cook meat.)

And of course, I am tired. I am tired of doing dishes, picking up rooms, sweeping crumbs, throwing out papers and wiping up toothpaste. I am also tired of custody arrangements, packing and un-packing bags, and having heartbreaking conversations with my precious kids.

I know these are all first-world problems.  I know it will all work out.  I know I am actually really lucky.

Tomorrow I will get up and keep going, just like all other days. Tomorrow I will apply for another job, meet with another friend, and enjoy the fall day.

Tomorrow is full of hope and new opportunities.

Today is done.  I’m glad. I think that is ok.